..try for a third child?
Z and I have been having some long discussions about this lately. I adore my girls and now that they are no longer babies and are demanding in a different way that is somehow also loads of fun, I would love another baby. I want a normal pregnancy resulting in a normal birth and hopefully a healthy full term baby. Z on the other hand is still in shock after all we've been through this past year and is hesitating/resisting.
He is terrified that we would have another preemie not least because the chance that we'd have multiples again remains. In order to stimulate my ovaries enough to ovulate I require injectible hormones and its impossible to control the dose so that only one egg is produced. Both times we got a response to the drugs I had 3 "mature" follicles (>18mm) and multiple smaller ones. If I'd had more than 3 big'uns they would have had to cancel the cycle, as in Germany they are not allowed to proceed with the IUI if there are more than 3 mature follicles (likewise they are not allowed to put back more than 3 embryos with IVF, to reduce the chances of high order multiples). The cycle which resulted in C and E started off as triplets, but one of the embryos didn't develop past a sac. So when they speak about a 2% chance of triplets I get a bit antsy! I'm not comfortable with the idea of embryo reductions. Our other option would be IVF and single embryo transfer but that is a lot more invasive, expensive, has a very uncertain outcome and I'm not sure if our medical insurance would allow it, given that we got pregnant with an IUI last time.
I was also on modified bedrest from week 7 of my pregnancy and if the next pregnancy was as difficult I would not be able to go onto bedrest with 2 toddlers at home, we have no family that lives close and could give me a hand. The doctors at the hospital have already said if I get pregnant again I would get a cerclage at week 16 especially if I had another twin pregnancy (of course if they'd listened to my obstetrician I would have got that with C and E as well). So that is another con to consider.
We are also not getting any younger which adds time pressure to the whole decision. Z asks if would I cope with 3 babies under 3, but at the same time he doesn't want to be looking after a newborn baby when he's over 40 (he doesn't want to be the dad that's mistaken always for the grandpa!). So ideally it needs to happen in the next 2 years, if we're going to try again.
I think I dealt with the events of this last year a bit differently to Z. I found support on the internet with a preemie moms group and many of the moms there have had another child since their preemie. Most of their pregnancys were very strictly monitored but have ended happily in full term or near full term births. This gives me courage that we could also be lucky next time. Isn't it strange, for most people a normal pregnancy is taken for granted or even in some cases an unwanted burden, while for others it is the most precious gift one could ever receive.
Decisions decisions...we need to think more about this one.