nothing new with us, just enjoying the peace.
29 Nov 2008
27 Nov 2008
2 steps
To celebrate her "would have been" birthday Ciara took 2 steps yesterday! The day before I'd seen her take one step a couple of times but thought they didn't really count as she stepped and fell immediately. It kind of looked like she was stepping more to try hold her balance. Yesterday though, I held out my hands and she made 2 purposeful steps towards me before she fell. Enya is also more stable in standing and yesterday stood holding on to my leg and then let go, standing alone for a couple of seconds before she fell, progress I tell you.
Unfortunately our music class has fallen through, we went last week for a taster session and it was OK, lots of singing and clapping etc. Unfortunately with twins it is difficult to keep both interested in what's going on but for 60 euros a quarter it was good fun. Yesterday we went again and this time Ciara wouldn't leave my lap, while Enya was crawling all over the other moms and the teacher. There were 2 three month old babies and I could picture her hitting them in the face as she does Ciara, stress pure! Anyhow as I was filling out the forms after the lesson I realised the monthly course fee was 60 euros, GULP! We could afford it but I just couldn't justify it. That is 15 euros for a 45 minute lesson where the instructor doesn't even know his material well enough to sing it without cards and the girls don't really pay attention. I guess music lessons will have to wait until I go back to work and the girls will get more out of it. Oh well back to lullaby CDs, now I need to find a german CD as we have english, irish and african ones already!
Unfortunately our music class has fallen through, we went last week for a taster session and it was OK, lots of singing and clapping etc. Unfortunately with twins it is difficult to keep both interested in what's going on but for 60 euros a quarter it was good fun. Yesterday we went again and this time Ciara wouldn't leave my lap, while Enya was crawling all over the other moms and the teacher. There were 2 three month old babies and I could picture her hitting them in the face as she does Ciara, stress pure! Anyhow as I was filling out the forms after the lesson I realised the monthly course fee was 60 euros, GULP! We could afford it but I just couldn't justify it. That is 15 euros for a 45 minute lesson where the instructor doesn't even know his material well enough to sing it without cards and the girls don't really pay attention. I guess music lessons will have to wait until I go back to work and the girls will get more out of it. Oh well back to lullaby CDs, now I need to find a german CD as we have english, irish and african ones already!
25 Nov 2008
happy corrected first birthday
If all had gone well with my pregnancy this is when the girls would have been due (well a year ago today anyway), so happy 1st birthday-corrcted Ciara and Enya.
I thought I would share a poem written by another preemie mom, it expresses a lot of what we've been through and felt.
The Preemie Experience
By Sandra D Moore
The preemie experience is the shattering of all your dreams
For a normal, healthy delivery,
Of the ability to carry home a beautiful squirming bundle
After a short stay in the hospital.
It is lying there in your hospital room listening to
The happy sounds of whole families joined
Together by the birth of a grandchild, cousin, niece,
Or nephew, and knowing that your
Child is miles away and may not survive long enough
For you to see or simply touch.
It is that first glimpse of a skinny, scrawny, not much bigger
Than a Barbie doll child
And feeling, fear, awe, and joy for such a fragile soul.
It is sitting by your baby’s “bedside” day after day,
Week after week, month after month,
Alternating between the emotional high of “Look, her eyes are open,” or “She’s crying!”
And the lows of “I’m sorry, Mrs. Moore. Something has
Shown up in Lauren’s ultrasound,”
Or even “There is nothing we can do…”
It is hearing the alarms go off for the twentieth time in less
Than fifteen minutes because your
Child’s heart rate keeps hitting zero.
It is watching children dying around you, wondering if
Your child will be next.It is hearing your child’s cry of distress as the nurses
Insert yet another IV and do another
Round of daily blood tests.It is meeting other parents of children who are doing far better
And wondering, “Why me?”
And meeting parents of children who have just died,
And praising God for His mercy
To your child and feeling guilty because your child is alive
And someone else is grieving for theirs.
It is days of nightmarish testing and coping with less
Than positive results to the tests.
It is days of joy at seeing the first eyelash appear,
The child gain a whole ounce in one day,
And two bright shiny eyes look at you and into your soul,
And knowing that your child now recognizes you as Mama or Dada;
Or perhaps looks at you and does not see you at all…
It is that final hurdle before coming home!
It is the sorrow of waiting for the monitor company
Representative to show you what to do
If the alarm sounds when your child is choking,
Gasping for breath, or simply dying.
It is the joy of just being away from all those nurses
And tubes and wires and beeps, and
Walking into the nursery you hastily prepared because, after all,
The child wasn’t due for another three months!
It is thinking the nightmare is over…only to realize it still
Continues in the form of
Such acronyms as PVL, RSV, BPD, CP and numerous others.
It is the final realization that those developmental delays
Have to be dealt with,
That reflux is a normal and unfortunate occurrence in most preemies,
That the constant fight to gain weight is in direct proportion
To a preemie’s ability to do so.
It is watching a child struggle to pick up his or her head, sit,
Crawl, or walk.
It is witnessing only silence when the child should be babbling,
Because the child cannot hear.
It is the mental images of a child running and playing
And communicating with others in a
Perfectly normal manner that are marred when you face years of therapy
In order to simply get the child to eat by himself or herself,
To talk or walk and then run.
The preemie experience is a journey…
A journey through your soul in order to find the faith and strength to cope,
A journey of the mind when you face the emotional weariness,
A journey of the heart…to accept that, no matter what,
This child is yours,And you will love this child no matter what.
I thought I would share a poem written by another preemie mom, it expresses a lot of what we've been through and felt.
The Preemie Experience
By Sandra D Moore
The preemie experience is the shattering of all your dreams
For a normal, healthy delivery,
Of the ability to carry home a beautiful squirming bundle
After a short stay in the hospital.
It is lying there in your hospital room listening to
The happy sounds of whole families joined
Together by the birth of a grandchild, cousin, niece,
Or nephew, and knowing that your
Child is miles away and may not survive long enough
For you to see or simply touch.
It is that first glimpse of a skinny, scrawny, not much bigger
Than a Barbie doll child
And feeling, fear, awe, and joy for such a fragile soul.
It is sitting by your baby’s “bedside” day after day,
Week after week, month after month,
Alternating between the emotional high of “Look, her eyes are open,” or “She’s crying!”
And the lows of “I’m sorry, Mrs. Moore. Something has
Shown up in Lauren’s ultrasound,”
Or even “There is nothing we can do…”
It is hearing the alarms go off for the twentieth time in less
Than fifteen minutes because your
Child’s heart rate keeps hitting zero.
It is watching children dying around you, wondering if
Your child will be next.It is hearing your child’s cry of distress as the nurses
Insert yet another IV and do another
Round of daily blood tests.It is meeting other parents of children who are doing far better
And wondering, “Why me?”
And meeting parents of children who have just died,
And praising God for His mercy
To your child and feeling guilty because your child is alive
And someone else is grieving for theirs.
It is days of nightmarish testing and coping with less
Than positive results to the tests.
It is days of joy at seeing the first eyelash appear,
The child gain a whole ounce in one day,
And two bright shiny eyes look at you and into your soul,
And knowing that your child now recognizes you as Mama or Dada;
Or perhaps looks at you and does not see you at all…
It is that final hurdle before coming home!
It is the sorrow of waiting for the monitor company
Representative to show you what to do
If the alarm sounds when your child is choking,
Gasping for breath, or simply dying.
It is the joy of just being away from all those nurses
And tubes and wires and beeps, and
Walking into the nursery you hastily prepared because, after all,
The child wasn’t due for another three months!
It is thinking the nightmare is over…only to realize it still
Continues in the form of
Such acronyms as PVL, RSV, BPD, CP and numerous others.
It is the final realization that those developmental delays
Have to be dealt with,
That reflux is a normal and unfortunate occurrence in most preemies,
That the constant fight to gain weight is in direct proportion
To a preemie’s ability to do so.
It is watching a child struggle to pick up his or her head, sit,
Crawl, or walk.
It is witnessing only silence when the child should be babbling,
Because the child cannot hear.
It is the mental images of a child running and playing
And communicating with others in a
Perfectly normal manner that are marred when you face years of therapy
In order to simply get the child to eat by himself or herself,
To talk or walk and then run.
The preemie experience is a journey…
A journey through your soul in order to find the faith and strength to cope,
A journey of the mind when you face the emotional weariness,
A journey of the heart…to accept that, no matter what,
This child is yours,And you will love this child no matter what.
24 Nov 2008
Wintereinbruch
BRRRRR!
I had to shovel my first snow of the season already this morning, time to get the snow suits out.
23 Nov 2008
Pictures
Z downloaded some pictures from our camera at work so I thought I'd share them with you all. Most are from the summer so don't be fooled by the semi nak.ed babies, we've had our first snowfall this week.
Enya waiting for her bath
Sultaness(?) Ciara in the bath
What do you mean snails are not to be eaten
Rocking in the sun
Before they started crawling when we could still keep them semi on the blankets
Enya waiting for her bath
Sultaness(?) Ciara in the bath
What do you mean snails are not to be eaten
Rocking in the sun
Before they started crawling when we could still keep them semi on the blankets
21 Nov 2008
A little better
Today so far is going better. Enya hasn't vomited again since I gave her an anti-emetic yesterday. She could barely keep her eyes open for lunch yesterday, in fact I think for the last spoon her head was on her shoulder and eyes were closed (side effect of the meds). Although she is not very interested in food, she has at least eaten 100g per meal. I've tried to avoid milk as far as possible, but after 140ml of the rehydration solution she fought so violently I had to give it up, so we're back on milk.
In the last 24 hours both girls have developed very runny noses and Enya has also got a matching wet cough, so now I'm thinking the vomiting maybe has something to do with that. Babies can't spit out their secretions so they swallow them and the secretions can make them nauseous and vomit. At least they are both cheerful and are right now playing together on the kitchen floor.
Now I just need to make them something bland for lunch.
In the last 24 hours both girls have developed very runny noses and Enya has also got a matching wet cough, so now I'm thinking the vomiting maybe has something to do with that. Babies can't spit out their secretions so they swallow them and the secretions can make them nauseous and vomit. At least they are both cheerful and are right now playing together on the kitchen floor.
Now I just need to make them something bland for lunch.
20 Nov 2008
My little vomit comet
Yup, it's that again. Enya has vomited at least once a day this whole week. Initially I thought it was food texture but this morning and last night she vomited on perfectly smooth purees. It's also not that she is too full because she has done it a couple of times on the 2nd or 3rd spoon (at least that means not too much to clean up).
The epitome of timing was on Tuesday night when our water was turned off (our upstairs neighbours are renovating their bathroom after getting a gable put in). Of course this would be at dinner time. Dinner went great until as a treat I gave Enya a bit of mashed baked potato- everything and I do mean the whole 200ml bottle and 100g of Courgette gratin came up and landed everywhere. Needless to say cleaning that up without running water was fun!
She will have meals where she eats the whole meal (160g) without a problem although as the week progresses they seem to be coming less frequently. I can honestly find no rhyme or reason for her spews, she is not even doing her usual retching beforehand. If she is not better by tomorrow then we are off to the paediatrician again! At least she now drinks the oral.paedon (paedi.alyte), previously she wouldn't touch the stuff.
I really hate the smell of vomit and the way it lingers even after washing the floor and chair umpteen times!
The epitome of timing was on Tuesday night when our water was turned off (our upstairs neighbours are renovating their bathroom after getting a gable put in). Of course this would be at dinner time. Dinner went great until as a treat I gave Enya a bit of mashed baked potato- everything and I do mean the whole 200ml bottle and 100g of Courgette gratin came up and landed everywhere. Needless to say cleaning that up without running water was fun!
She will have meals where she eats the whole meal (160g) without a problem although as the week progresses they seem to be coming less frequently. I can honestly find no rhyme or reason for her spews, she is not even doing her usual retching beforehand. If she is not better by tomorrow then we are off to the paediatrician again! At least she now drinks the oral.paedon (paedi.alyte), previously she wouldn't touch the stuff.
I really hate the smell of vomit and the way it lingers even after washing the floor and chair umpteen times!
18 Nov 2008
SPZ neonatal follow up appointment
It is only in the last few weeks when we've had medical appointments that the doctors/therapists have mentioned how concerned they had been about our girls. Up to now they have avoided the issue and when pressed we got the "wait and see" response.
I hasten to add the general vibe has always been positive and at no time, not even after Enya's grade 3+ IVH (brain bleed), was there ever a mention of NOT doing everything medically possible for the girls. I say this as I've heard of cases when after the diagnosis of a major bleed, the parents have been advised to stop all treatment due to the extremely high risk of disability.
Anyway this appointment at the SPZ we again heard how lucky our girls are and how worried B had been (the doc, B, is an acquaintance from pre baby days when Z and I used to do ballroom dancing). She said Ciara shows no abnormal reflexes anymore and is on schedule for her adjusted age. Enya still shows some shoulder retraction in some of the positional reflex tests, so we have to continue Vojta probably until she is walking :0(. However on the plus side she also could see no abnormal tone in the legs so that is just a further confirmation the neurologist was full of s%$t! We are also finally at the top of the list for Fruhforderung (early intervention) which is as I understand it play therapy to encourage normal development. We were put on this list after our appointment in April. B says she actually sees no need for this but because I said I'd noticed a deficit in Enya's fine coordination we will be assessed for services when they bother to call to arrange it.
In physio Mrs W also said the asymmetry that was the big deal last time was not at all obvious so it must have just been a blip. I find it once again underlines how inaccurate an impression the doctors/therapists can get if they only have a single visit to assess a child in an unfamiliar environment. Six months ago the docs were very concerned about Ciara, where Z and I were much more relaxed (until they made me paranoid), because the child we saw at home was not the child they (and we) saw during the examinations/treatment.
I hasten to add the general vibe has always been positive and at no time, not even after Enya's grade 3+ IVH (brain bleed), was there ever a mention of NOT doing everything medically possible for the girls. I say this as I've heard of cases when after the diagnosis of a major bleed, the parents have been advised to stop all treatment due to the extremely high risk of disability.
Anyway this appointment at the SPZ we again heard how lucky our girls are and how worried B had been (the doc, B, is an acquaintance from pre baby days when Z and I used to do ballroom dancing). She said Ciara shows no abnormal reflexes anymore and is on schedule for her adjusted age. Enya still shows some shoulder retraction in some of the positional reflex tests, so we have to continue Vojta probably until she is walking :0(. However on the plus side she also could see no abnormal tone in the legs so that is just a further confirmation the neurologist was full of s%$t! We are also finally at the top of the list for Fruhforderung (early intervention) which is as I understand it play therapy to encourage normal development. We were put on this list after our appointment in April. B says she actually sees no need for this but because I said I'd noticed a deficit in Enya's fine coordination we will be assessed for services when they bother to call to arrange it.
In physio Mrs W also said the asymmetry that was the big deal last time was not at all obvious so it must have just been a blip. I find it once again underlines how inaccurate an impression the doctors/therapists can get if they only have a single visit to assess a child in an unfamiliar environment. Six months ago the docs were very concerned about Ciara, where Z and I were much more relaxed (until they made me paranoid), because the child we saw at home was not the child they (and we) saw during the examinations/treatment.
17 Nov 2008
Our bobby car
I didn't try for a photo with the girls on it as I just don't have enough hands and my mobile phones camera isn't quick enough!
Toy bazaar
I think I'm getting addicted to bazaar bargain hunting. This weekend there was a toy bazaar in a nearby town so off I went. This time I dragged Z with (and naturally the girls too). All I wanted was a bobby car, I've been looking for a secondhand one for ages and I finally found it. Usually they are red but the one we got is a yellow ADAC (german version of the RAC/AA), it looks like it's seen a few crashes but is still in good working order and will hopefully see our two through the next 2 years. Enya enjoys being pushed around on it but is still too short to balance properly on it (her feet don't touch the ground), Ciara trys to push herself on it unfortunately she has still to get out of the reverse gear ;0).
We also got a child's rocking chair (I just need to make a seat cushion for it), some wooden cars and a couple of books. All of this for less than the bobby car would cost new! Of course the way things are going now with C and E we will probably need a second one as they are not into sharing!
Ciara has decided that Enya is her walking aid and will hold onto Enya clothing while Enya is trying to crawl away. Important is that Enya is trying to get away as that means she can walk using Enya as her support. Enya objects strenuously to this past time and that just makes it more fun for Ciara. As Ciara outweighs Enya by about 2 kg, she can hold Enya down as long as she wants and Enya can't free herself. I foresee judo in Enya's future! Along the same lines and provoking the same response Ciara has also taken to hugging her little sister. She's not to fussy what she hugs: head; chest or bottom, important again is the response it provokes.
I make it sound like Enya is an angel and Ciara is a bully (which she is) but I've also seen Enya hitting out at her sister and because she is so quick, steal toys from Ciara and then run away (crawl away) with them. I've also seen both girls give their sister an open mouthed mouth press which is their version of a kiss which is adorable.
Apart from the 2 nights when Enya was in Essen for her eye surgery and the 15 days between Ciara and Enya's release from hospital, the girls have always shared a room and so are used to having the other there when they go to sleep. I have noticed when I put one in to bed alone while I finish getting the other ready, she'll scream and perform until the other is also put into bed, then instant silence. I hope we never have to have one in hospital overnight again!!
We also got a child's rocking chair (I just need to make a seat cushion for it), some wooden cars and a couple of books. All of this for less than the bobby car would cost new! Of course the way things are going now with C and E we will probably need a second one as they are not into sharing!
Ciara has decided that Enya is her walking aid and will hold onto Enya clothing while Enya is trying to crawl away. Important is that Enya is trying to get away as that means she can walk using Enya as her support. Enya objects strenuously to this past time and that just makes it more fun for Ciara. As Ciara outweighs Enya by about 2 kg, she can hold Enya down as long as she wants and Enya can't free herself. I foresee judo in Enya's future! Along the same lines and provoking the same response Ciara has also taken to hugging her little sister. She's not to fussy what she hugs: head; chest or bottom, important again is the response it provokes.
I make it sound like Enya is an angel and Ciara is a bully (which she is) but I've also seen Enya hitting out at her sister and because she is so quick, steal toys from Ciara and then run away (crawl away) with them. I've also seen both girls give their sister an open mouthed mouth press which is their version of a kiss which is adorable.
Apart from the 2 nights when Enya was in Essen for her eye surgery and the 15 days between Ciara and Enya's release from hospital, the girls have always shared a room and so are used to having the other there when they go to sleep. I have noticed when I put one in to bed alone while I finish getting the other ready, she'll scream and perform until the other is also put into bed, then instant silence. I hope we never have to have one in hospital overnight again!!
14 Nov 2008
resuming normal programming
Warning: if you have a problem with bodily products especially poo don't read any further!!
I'm slowly (too slowly) learning that quiet=bad with almost toddlers in the house. This morning after changing Enya's dirty nappy (this child is like clockwork), I put the nappy in the bowl on the floor so I could do her physio with her. We don't have another raised surface near our changing table where I could put it and I need the entire changing table for physio. You can see where this story is going, I'm sure. Anyway after physio I was just getting ready to put Enya's nappy on when I realised Ciara was astonishingly quiet and looked down to my feet to see her sitting happily playing with her sisters faeces. She'd taken it all out the nappy and was sitting, hands covered in poo, smearing it all over the floor. What to do first? Enya down on the floor sans nappy, clean up the floor all the while trying to keep Ciara's hands away from everything, most especially her mouth! Run through to the bathroom with Ciara, strip her, wash her hands and then fetch Enya to put a nappy on her. I nearly threw up, dirty nappies do not bother me at all, but Ciara playing with poo made me sick!
Needless to say things are going to be rearranged so we can put the nappy bowl on a raised surface on the rare occasions when we change nappies in the girls room!! We usually change them in the bathroom so we're close to running water.
To finish off ...the danger of female drivers as demonstrated by Ciara Ryanne and Enya Niamh
Enya hit her head on the drawer handle. Sorry for the shoddy photos, Z's computer is being upgraded so I can't download photos from a proper camera.
I'm slowly (too slowly) learning that quiet=bad with almost toddlers in the house. This morning after changing Enya's dirty nappy (this child is like clockwork), I put the nappy in the bowl on the floor so I could do her physio with her. We don't have another raised surface near our changing table where I could put it and I need the entire changing table for physio. You can see where this story is going, I'm sure. Anyway after physio I was just getting ready to put Enya's nappy on when I realised Ciara was astonishingly quiet and looked down to my feet to see her sitting happily playing with her sisters faeces. She'd taken it all out the nappy and was sitting, hands covered in poo, smearing it all over the floor. What to do first? Enya down on the floor sans nappy, clean up the floor all the while trying to keep Ciara's hands away from everything, most especially her mouth! Run through to the bathroom with Ciara, strip her, wash her hands and then fetch Enya to put a nappy on her. I nearly threw up, dirty nappies do not bother me at all, but Ciara playing with poo made me sick!
Needless to say things are going to be rearranged so we can put the nappy bowl on a raised surface on the rare occasions when we change nappies in the girls room!! We usually change them in the bathroom so we're close to running water.
To finish off ...the danger of female drivers as demonstrated by Ciara Ryanne and Enya Niamh
Enya hit her head on the drawer handle. Sorry for the shoddy photos, Z's computer is being upgraded so I can't download photos from a proper camera.
13 Nov 2008
So what do I say?
Perspectives revisited.
Yesterday after I posted a friend asked me how did I cope with the disappointment every month when I wasn't pregnant. She thought she could be pregnant but unfortunately her AF arrived yesterday. This friend (lets call her JS) has a daughter exactly 8 months older than C and E, her daughter was not planned and when JS first found out she was pregnant she was not overjoyed. Now nearly 2 years later again JS and her husband were a bit frisky at the right (wrong) time, this time it didn't work and JS was fairly devastated. Although again this would not have been the ideal time she was really looking forward to another pregnancy/child. For the first time I think she has begun to grasp what the 3 and a half years prior to C and E's arrival was like for me.
I told her it is considered normal to try up to a year before getting pregnant when there are no fertility issues, the thought of which she finds unbearable. I'm finding it difficult to be suitably sympathetic to her situation, as this is the first month and they are not even trying yet. They knew about our struggles in real time and she never mentioned it to me ever, not even during her pregnancy.
I honestly don't know what to say to her.
Yesterday after I posted a friend asked me how did I cope with the disappointment every month when I wasn't pregnant. She thought she could be pregnant but unfortunately her AF arrived yesterday. This friend (lets call her JS) has a daughter exactly 8 months older than C and E, her daughter was not planned and when JS first found out she was pregnant she was not overjoyed. Now nearly 2 years later again JS and her husband were a bit frisky at the right (wrong) time, this time it didn't work and JS was fairly devastated. Although again this would not have been the ideal time she was really looking forward to another pregnancy/child. For the first time I think she has begun to grasp what the 3 and a half years prior to C and E's arrival was like for me.
I told her it is considered normal to try up to a year before getting pregnant when there are no fertility issues, the thought of which she finds unbearable. I'm finding it difficult to be suitably sympathetic to her situation, as this is the first month and they are not even trying yet. They knew about our struggles in real time and she never mentioned it to me ever, not even during her pregnancy.
I honestly don't know what to say to her.
11 Nov 2008
Perspectives
The news right now is full of a trial happening right now in my city. A woman is being tried for the murder of 3 of her daughters. She managed to hide the pregnancies and after giving birth, killed them and hid their bodies in the freezer. She was only found out when her 18 year old son went looking for a frozen pizza in the freezer and instead found the frozen remains. The first little girl was killed in 1986 and the last in 2004. We've had a spate of such sick things in the news in the last few years but this time it happened in our neck of the woods! The news reports state by the last pregnancy this woman had alcohol problems but she does have 2-3 other kids that did live through the perinatal period. I have to wonder what would drive a woman and mother to do such a dreadful thing, not once but 3 times!!
Another bit of news is my ex-sister in law is pregnant again. She had a baby a couple of months before C and E arrived with her new fellow and is now apparently expecting their 2nd child together. She had 3 kids with my brother in law and is generally described as a dreadful mother. The kids used to do all the housework (cooking, cleaning, ironing, washing) while she sat in front of the TV vegetating. Her oldest child (20 years old) refuses to have anything to do with her and while the younger two do live with her they are not happy. The only reason the youngest is still living with her is she told him if he goes back to his dad not to bother coming back to visit!
I think about how hard it was for me to get pregnant and how I tried to be so careful during my pregnancy and despite this it was cut short and yet some other people who are "fertile Myrtles" with trouble free pregnancies don't appreciate their good fortune. I suppose that might be the difference, for them it isn't good fortune, it is their normality. My normality means pregnancy is an unattainable goal without doctors, drugs and loads of visits to the fertility clinic, followed 6 months later by a 4 month hospital stay for the babies. For them it is just the result of a good night in bed at the right (wrong) time, followed 9 months later by a healthy baby. I guess for those who have struggled in someway to get/stay pregnant, pregnancy gains an extra lustre and the baby at the end is that little bit more precious. Please note I'm not saying that we(infertile Myrtles) are better mothers, just that we know this baby probably wouldn't be here without lots of help from modern science and the chances of another child are poor without the same help again.
Any how I think I'm going to go hug my precious little bundles now as they are waking up from their morning nap.
Another bit of news is my ex-sister in law is pregnant again. She had a baby a couple of months before C and E arrived with her new fellow and is now apparently expecting their 2nd child together. She had 3 kids with my brother in law and is generally described as a dreadful mother. The kids used to do all the housework (cooking, cleaning, ironing, washing) while she sat in front of the TV vegetating. Her oldest child (20 years old) refuses to have anything to do with her and while the younger two do live with her they are not happy. The only reason the youngest is still living with her is she told him if he goes back to his dad not to bother coming back to visit!
I think about how hard it was for me to get pregnant and how I tried to be so careful during my pregnancy and despite this it was cut short and yet some other people who are "fertile Myrtles" with trouble free pregnancies don't appreciate their good fortune. I suppose that might be the difference, for them it isn't good fortune, it is their normality. My normality means pregnancy is an unattainable goal without doctors, drugs and loads of visits to the fertility clinic, followed 6 months later by a 4 month hospital stay for the babies. For them it is just the result of a good night in bed at the right (wrong) time, followed 9 months later by a healthy baby. I guess for those who have struggled in someway to get/stay pregnant, pregnancy gains an extra lustre and the baby at the end is that little bit more precious. Please note I'm not saying that we(infertile Myrtles) are better mothers, just that we know this baby probably wouldn't be here without lots of help from modern science and the chances of another child are poor without the same help again.
Any how I think I'm going to go hug my precious little bundles now as they are waking up from their morning nap.
10 Nov 2008
Sitting proud
We'll do this post chronologically, shall we:
Date night on Friday night was great, Babysitter arrived shortly after 6pm, our film started at 8pm. I even had time to look around the new bookstore that opened last week, although we unfortunately didn't have time for a sit down meal as the restaurants in our city are renowned for their slow service. Ben and Jerrys has finally arrived in Germany, at least in the cinema tuck shop so dessert was choc fudge brownie (diet starts today I promise). The film I found initially a bit confusing as we never saw Casino Royale so didn't really get the "Vespa" references (assume she was the previous bond girl who died/committed suicide). I find DC very cold and humourless as James Bond but the film was certainly action laden as always. All in all Z and I enjoyed the night.
Saturday morning was spent cooking in preparation for our guests who descended on us in the afternoon. Four children under four in a 112 sq meter flat and rotten weather outside. Needless to say it was as action packed as the Bond film if not quite as thrill laden. Last time these friends came to visit us is when Ciara started crawling, this time Enya started sitting "normally", up to now she has only sat in M-sitting (bum between her thighs). We'll have to have them around more often, me thinks. Their oldest boy thinks the girls are great and wants to "look after" them and cuddle with them the whole time, just as well as the friends are trying for their 3rd child. Saturday night ended late or early Sunday morning for the guys after another marathon whiskey tasting session.
Z was not happy when I got him up to help feed the girls Sunday morning at 8am, as a non drinker I'm afraid I'm not very sympathetic about the mornings after ;0). Sunday was more relaxed, the kids were calmer and after breakfast our friends left for their relatives. The girls took a 3 hour (!!) nap at midday as did Z and I crawled into bed with a good book too. Last night we took our first (and probably last) family bath, our bathtub is huge but even then is was a little crowded and the girls keep wanting to stand or crawl around the bath so that it feels even more full.
This morning we could all have slept in an hour longer but Z needed to go to work for 8am, and since we're just getting over a difficult spell* with Enya and feeding, we're trying to have 2 sets of hands for feeds as much as possible. Enya is eating really well for the last few days, of course life would be too easy if that was the end of the story, that's why we have twins....Ciara is now spitting out any fruit bits we give her eg bananas or fruit in yogurt. Needless to say she didn't enjoy her lunch of avo and banana. Oh well, Enya ate her share too, so at least I didn't have to throw it away.
*she has gone back on to anti reflux formula again and she immediately settled down with drinking and eating. The doc still doesn't want to know about her "reflux" and refuses to offer us any investigations/meds. We'd really hoped she had outgrown this, if it is even reflux, but no luck. Now we have to stick with the clumpy expensive formula :-P
Date night on Friday night was great, Babysitter arrived shortly after 6pm, our film started at 8pm. I even had time to look around the new bookstore that opened last week, although we unfortunately didn't have time for a sit down meal as the restaurants in our city are renowned for their slow service. Ben and Jerrys has finally arrived in Germany, at least in the cinema tuck shop so dessert was choc fudge brownie (diet starts today I promise). The film I found initially a bit confusing as we never saw Casino Royale so didn't really get the "Vespa" references (assume she was the previous bond girl who died/committed suicide). I find DC very cold and humourless as James Bond but the film was certainly action laden as always. All in all Z and I enjoyed the night.
Saturday morning was spent cooking in preparation for our guests who descended on us in the afternoon. Four children under four in a 112 sq meter flat and rotten weather outside. Needless to say it was as action packed as the Bond film if not quite as thrill laden. Last time these friends came to visit us is when Ciara started crawling, this time Enya started sitting "normally", up to now she has only sat in M-sitting (bum between her thighs). We'll have to have them around more often, me thinks. Their oldest boy thinks the girls are great and wants to "look after" them and cuddle with them the whole time, just as well as the friends are trying for their 3rd child. Saturday night ended late or early Sunday morning for the guys after another marathon whiskey tasting session.
Z was not happy when I got him up to help feed the girls Sunday morning at 8am, as a non drinker I'm afraid I'm not very sympathetic about the mornings after ;0). Sunday was more relaxed, the kids were calmer and after breakfast our friends left for their relatives. The girls took a 3 hour (!!) nap at midday as did Z and I crawled into bed with a good book too. Last night we took our first (and probably last) family bath, our bathtub is huge but even then is was a little crowded and the girls keep wanting to stand or crawl around the bath so that it feels even more full.
This morning we could all have slept in an hour longer but Z needed to go to work for 8am, and since we're just getting over a difficult spell* with Enya and feeding, we're trying to have 2 sets of hands for feeds as much as possible. Enya is eating really well for the last few days, of course life would be too easy if that was the end of the story, that's why we have twins....Ciara is now spitting out any fruit bits we give her eg bananas or fruit in yogurt. Needless to say she didn't enjoy her lunch of avo and banana. Oh well, Enya ate her share too, so at least I didn't have to throw it away.
*she has gone back on to anti reflux formula again and she immediately settled down with drinking and eating. The doc still doesn't want to know about her "reflux" and refuses to offer us any investigations/meds. We'd really hoped she had outgrown this, if it is even reflux, but no luck. Now we have to stick with the clumpy expensive formula :-P
7 Nov 2008
Shock
Yesterday I went grocery shopping with the girls by myself, NEVER AGAIN! Or at least not until they can walk by themselves. Our local store doesn't have twin carts and I needed to buy too much to take my buggy and a basket. So I had Ciara in the shopping cart and Enya tied to my front in a sling, you should have seen me trying to get Ciara into the cart while wearing Enya!! Of course there was no harness to help keep Ciara sitting, her latest trick is to try and stand/kneel/escape from any seat be it high chair or bath seat. She wanted my car keys to play with, but haha clever mom, I'd bought her keys with me for her to chew on. Unfortunately not a good twins mom as I'd only brought one toy with me so I landed up letting Enya have my shopping list to chew on. That worked well in the first shop, unfortunately by the time I reached the second shop the list was no longer legible, so a couple of items were forgotten (dispatched Z to get them, I wasn't going near a shop again). One question I have is why don't they make any babyfoods with the flavour of paper, my girls think books are for eating and Enya will bite, chew and swallow paper without choking or gagging.
By this time the girls were about an hour overdue for lunch, overdue for a nap and generally NOT happy, and my back was letting me know about the extra 8 kilos I was carrying, and wouldn't you know there was also a looooong queue at the till in the second shop. I think the other customers and the employees were as glad to see us leave as we were to go.
On the up side I'd bought a glass of baby food while shopping so I could feed the girls as soon as we got home. Sea fish and tagliatelle in broccoli cream sauce- tasted as disgusting as all jars of baby food do, but the girls ate all 200+g of it. Admittedly Enya refused at first (threw a temper tantrum), got put into bed to calm down and then got offered it again thinned with grain porridge. In the end she ate all of it without gagging once and at one stage was opening her mouth before I even brought the spoon near her face, progress! I hasten to add here there were loads of lumps in the food so can someone please explain this child to me! I will now be buying some jars of babyfood so I don't have to cook quite as much.
We have guests again this weekend so I'll have to do a cleaning blitz and make some treats for the kids, as well as that Z and I have date night tonight. We've agreed that we will go out once a month as a couple and spend a bit of time on us, as we as a couple are feeling the effects of parenthood. Tonight we are going to see the new 007 film IN ENGLISH so I'm really looking forward to it.
By this time the girls were about an hour overdue for lunch, overdue for a nap and generally NOT happy, and my back was letting me know about the extra 8 kilos I was carrying, and wouldn't you know there was also a looooong queue at the till in the second shop. I think the other customers and the employees were as glad to see us leave as we were to go.
On the up side I'd bought a glass of baby food while shopping so I could feed the girls as soon as we got home. Sea fish and tagliatelle in broccoli cream sauce- tasted as disgusting as all jars of baby food do, but the girls ate all 200+g of it. Admittedly Enya refused at first (threw a temper tantrum), got put into bed to calm down and then got offered it again thinned with grain porridge. In the end she ate all of it without gagging once and at one stage was opening her mouth before I even brought the spoon near her face, progress! I hasten to add here there were loads of lumps in the food so can someone please explain this child to me! I will now be buying some jars of babyfood so I don't have to cook quite as much.
We have guests again this weekend so I'll have to do a cleaning blitz and make some treats for the kids, as well as that Z and I have date night tonight. We've agreed that we will go out once a month as a couple and spend a bit of time on us, as we as a couple are feeling the effects of parenthood. Tonight we are going to see the new 007 film IN ENGLISH so I'm really looking forward to it.
6 Nov 2008
Cuddles
Every morning when I go to get the Enya out of bed she leans in to me and gives me a big cuddle. During the day at odd intervals Enya will come crawling up to me, pull on my trouser legs until I lift her up and give me another cuddle. If I sit down on the floor she crawls onto my lap and pulls herself up into standing and gives me.. you got it another cuddle. I love this constant stream of affection, I used to always bug my family for hugs as a kid and it looks like Enya takes after me in this regard. Ciara on the other hand until recently expressed her affection with open mouthed kisses or by biting our noses, however in the last week she is also starting to lean in and rest her head on my shoulder for a quick cuddle. Double joy!!
Z has taught Enya a new trick: he asks "how big is Enya?", then she lifts both hands above her head and starts to laugh.It doesn't make a difference who asks the question she always responds with the same action. Too cute! We've tried it with Ciara as well, but she just doesn't get it yet.
For all that Ciara has always been the more vocal of the two, I have the feeling Enya will talk first. She is trying so hard to communicate, she will earnestly babble for minutes at a time pausing every so often to wait for a response from us. Ciara on the other hand started calling mama last week and appears to be slowly realising that when she says those syllables, she gets a quicker response.
I forgot to say we took part in another physio course this week, the good news is when I spoke to the physio she agreed that the neurologist had been talking out of her hat with regards to Enya's "tone issues". During the assessment the usual points were noted (poor abdominal muscle coordination leading to thoracolumbar lordosis and reduced pelvic stability) but a new point was asymmetry of the legs in standing and crawling. I had noticed the asymmetry myself (she stands with her left leg out to the side) but I'd thought that was just Enya's quirk, I guess not. Once again it was stated that Enya would not qualify for physio if she were not already in treatment as her gross motor skills are within 2 months of her actual age (12 and a half months to 13 and a half months). However as she has been in physio all her life pretty much, they would like to continue until the asymmetry is gone i.e. until she is walking at least. I know I've complained often enough about physio and I'm still not convinced that Bobath wouldn't offer extra stimulus but I will continue Vojta with Enya as long as necessary and by that I mean as long as I can see a need for it. A good thing during the assessment though was I saw Enya cruising on furniture for the first time ever. She has been standing for a while but doesn't walk along the furniture, she prefers to crawl the 2 steps to change position.
And lastly for today, Enya has finally got her vaccination after being cancelled twice. Unfortunately they said we've got to come back in 4-6 weeks for another set for both girls!
Z has taught Enya a new trick: he asks "how big is Enya?", then she lifts both hands above her head and starts to laugh.It doesn't make a difference who asks the question she always responds with the same action. Too cute! We've tried it with Ciara as well, but she just doesn't get it yet.
For all that Ciara has always been the more vocal of the two, I have the feeling Enya will talk first. She is trying so hard to communicate, she will earnestly babble for minutes at a time pausing every so often to wait for a response from us. Ciara on the other hand started calling mama last week and appears to be slowly realising that when she says those syllables, she gets a quicker response.
I forgot to say we took part in another physio course this week, the good news is when I spoke to the physio she agreed that the neurologist had been talking out of her hat with regards to Enya's "tone issues". During the assessment the usual points were noted (poor abdominal muscle coordination leading to thoracolumbar lordosis and reduced pelvic stability) but a new point was asymmetry of the legs in standing and crawling. I had noticed the asymmetry myself (she stands with her left leg out to the side) but I'd thought that was just Enya's quirk, I guess not. Once again it was stated that Enya would not qualify for physio if she were not already in treatment as her gross motor skills are within 2 months of her actual age (12 and a half months to 13 and a half months). However as she has been in physio all her life pretty much, they would like to continue until the asymmetry is gone i.e. until she is walking at least. I know I've complained often enough about physio and I'm still not convinced that Bobath wouldn't offer extra stimulus but I will continue Vojta with Enya as long as necessary and by that I mean as long as I can see a need for it. A good thing during the assessment though was I saw Enya cruising on furniture for the first time ever. She has been standing for a while but doesn't walk along the furniture, she prefers to crawl the 2 steps to change position.
And lastly for today, Enya has finally got her vaccination after being cancelled twice. Unfortunately they said we've got to come back in 4-6 weeks for another set for both girls!
5 Nov 2008
Doing fine
Well we all survived yesterday in one piece although I'm taking a break from feeding Enya her bottle and meals when Z is home for the next few days. After the rant yesterday she did eat 200g!! of yoghurt at teatime so maybe I should flip out more often.
I ended up relieving my frustration by doing a major cook up, double batches of lentils and cauliflower cheese for the girls. I actually desperately need to stock up the freezer so I will be continuing the cook up this evening.
I have also made my own christmas mince for pies this year. One of the things I miss most about England is the traditional holiday treats, be it christmas pies, pudding or hot cross buns at Easter. We are going to be staying at home this festive season therefore to get the true holiday feeling I have to make my own, wish me luck!! I have now accepted Operation christmas dinner will probably only happen with Ciara but so what, Enya will still be at the table with the rest of us. Even if she can't eat everything she should be able to try some of the food and we can enjoy being a family and that, in the end, is what counts.
Lunch is fast approaching so let me go prepare for the next battle, wish me luck!
I ended up relieving my frustration by doing a major cook up, double batches of lentils and cauliflower cheese for the girls. I actually desperately need to stock up the freezer so I will be continuing the cook up this evening.
I have also made my own christmas mince for pies this year. One of the things I miss most about England is the traditional holiday treats, be it christmas pies, pudding or hot cross buns at Easter. We are going to be staying at home this festive season therefore to get the true holiday feeling I have to make my own, wish me luck!! I have now accepted Operation christmas dinner will probably only happen with Ciara but so what, Enya will still be at the table with the rest of us. Even if she can't eat everything she should be able to try some of the food and we can enjoy being a family and that, in the end, is what counts.
Lunch is fast approaching so let me go prepare for the next battle, wish me luck!
4 Nov 2008
frustration levels
We're going through another patch where Enya is being very difficult to feed. She threw up on Z last night and me this morning. Almost every meal now she is retching such that we clear the area around her "just in case". Initially we thought it was due to the texture but she retches even if it is completely smooth, then the thickness but again even if we make it very thin she will retch, size of the spoonful is also not the cause, SO WTF is it ?!? She also is taking longer and longer to swallow the spoonfuls she does accept in her mouth. I mean come on we have now been trying to introduce textures for almost 6 months, she has been eating solids for 8 months. When does this get easier? We're lucky to get her to eat 300g in a day, which I know in comparison to some is a lot but it is such a fight to get her to eat these 300g that I sometimes just skip a meal to avoid the stress and aggravation. Ciara continues to eat everything we give her and look for seconds which underlines how little Enya eats even more.
I'm still preparing all their meals myself but I'm thinking of stopping and going to jar foods as at least if I then throw away a half full bowl,it's not something I've spent hours preparing for her.
In case you're thinking well at least she is still drinking her milk, she isn't! I'm lucky to get 350ml of liquids in total down her in a day. She is back to being very difficult to bottle feed and sippy cups just don't do it for Enya. She will take max 3-4 sips from a normal beaker and then she refuses that too.
Z once said if I wanted to take a week away he'd happily look after the girls by himself, it's getting to the stage where I'm going to take him up on that offer. My frustration levels are rising with every meal and I've just put the girls to bed because to be honest I don't trust myself around Enya right now. I know intellectually that Enya is not doing this deliberately but that doesn't help in the middle of one of our feeding fights.
Unfortunately the chances of getting any competent help or advice is remote, the SLT at our local hospital was incompetent and beyond useless when we went to him for bottle feeding trouble, the ESKB (behavioural team) were not much better and our paediatrician doesn't see that we have a problem, " she'll eat when she is hungry" (she doesn't) and "in 2 years time she'll be as big as her sister" (ha die ha ha)are his idea of help.
I need a break from this!!
I'm still preparing all their meals myself but I'm thinking of stopping and going to jar foods as at least if I then throw away a half full bowl,it's not something I've spent hours preparing for her.
In case you're thinking well at least she is still drinking her milk, she isn't! I'm lucky to get 350ml of liquids in total down her in a day. She is back to being very difficult to bottle feed and sippy cups just don't do it for Enya. She will take max 3-4 sips from a normal beaker and then she refuses that too.
Z once said if I wanted to take a week away he'd happily look after the girls by himself, it's getting to the stage where I'm going to take him up on that offer. My frustration levels are rising with every meal and I've just put the girls to bed because to be honest I don't trust myself around Enya right now. I know intellectually that Enya is not doing this deliberately but that doesn't help in the middle of one of our feeding fights.
Unfortunately the chances of getting any competent help or advice is remote, the SLT at our local hospital was incompetent and beyond useless when we went to him for bottle feeding trouble, the ESKB (behavioural team) were not much better and our paediatrician doesn't see that we have a problem, " she'll eat when she is hungry" (she doesn't) and "in 2 years time she'll be as big as her sister" (ha die ha ha)are his idea of help.
I need a break from this!!
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